The Grandma Claus(e)

Dear H,

Let me start with saying that I love everything involved with gift giving.  From February till December I am on the hunt for the perfect gifts for everyone I love.  I enjoy the hurrah of wrapping, ribbons flashing, and tape ripping.  My sister, on the other hand, loathes the commercial scene, and the vastly increased size of the family this year led her to suggest that we do not give gifts to everyone next year, just the grandchildren (this year our collective families have eight of them).  Now, before I start to build my 2009 stash of Christmas presents, I would like some insight.  How do adult children (and adult nieces and nephews) feel about not receiving extensive gifts?  Is there an acceptable age, or number of children, that exempts adults from gifts?  Also, supposing that we transition from gifts to everyone to just the kids, what is the best way to do so?

Sincerely,
Gift Giving Grandmother M

M,

It sounds like your grandchildren get some fabulous gifts!!

I don't know that there is a hard and fast rule for this situation.  Often, families ascribe to the guideline that if a family member has children, gifts to those children count as gifts to the parents as well.  My family goes by this rule.  If an adult "child" has no children, then you can certainly gift the adult.  

Now, there are a few alternatives that I have seen work very well:

1.)  Secret Santa:  At the beginning of the Christmas season, everyone in the family draws the name of another family member, usually only adult family members or those that have the means to purchase gifts. This way, every family member is only responsible for one gift.  Though, if you draw the name of a relative with children, consider getting gifts for parent and children, or simply children only. 

2.)  Gifts for the Whole Family:  When dealing with the dilemma of whether to gift the parents and/or the children, consider a gift that the whole family can use together, such as a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant, or tickets to a show. 

If you do decide to change from gifts for everyone to gifts for the children only, a good transition might be to get something small for the adults, such as a nice bottle of wine (something the kids can't get into!) with a personalized note or a homemade wine bag.

Prolonging the holidays as long as possible, 

H*

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